All’s I’m saying is…

Now, I try not to get too political here in the blog-o-sphere (there are enough blowhards spouting vitrol out here to fill up Lucas Oil stadium). I try not to get too political in general, mostly because I believe that both the Democrats and Republicans are pretty worthless, lack a backbone, have a moral compass that points due south, and are basically destroying our country though sound bite re-education.

That said, we’re probably going to have to pick two more “winners” in 2012 for the Presidency, and all’s I’m saying is, after their recent performance in regards to standing up for the unborn and their mothers, in regards to health care reform, what about:

Nelson/Stupak 2012? Thoughts?

On Mary and Waiting…

Advent is all about waiting. We wait, with joyful anticipation, for the birth of Jesus. However, the kind of waiting that takes place in Advent is somewhat unique. Usually with any kind of wait, there is a measure of anxiety associated with it. We wonder how exactly it will turn out, or if the thing we are waiting on will even happen at all. There is excitement, but there is worry as well.

But not so much with Advent. We are waiting, yes, but we know what is going to happen. Jesus will be born, Jesus will be crucified and die, and most importantly, Jesus will rise again and destroy death forever. So then, Advent waiting becomes joyful anticipation. There is no anxiety in waiting on the Christ child, because we know what will happen, we know that he will happen.

Mary, however, did not experience the “Advent” of her pregnancy with joyful anticipation. Or rather, not with only joyful anticipation. Imagine: a young virgin, betrothed, but not to consummate, is found to be pregnant in a time and culture which kills unmarried women for being pregnant. She knows the truth of who her child is, and where He has come from, but to all others, her story is insane.

Imagine the rumors that must have flown around about young Mary. That she and Joseph just couldn’t wait and were horrible sinners, or worse, that perhaps she had been raped by a Roman soldier, and had created this tale in an attempt to spare her family shame. As my parish priest said in a recent homily, “Baseball is not the national pastime, talking about people is.” Human nature, being what it is, I can’t imagine it was much different in 1st century Palestine. There are vultures everywhere, who will chomp down on any sort of scandal and ride it until it’s dead.

So Mary, not only fearing the reaction of her parents and Joseph, had to wait in fear for the reaction of the town. Would they stone her? Refuse to buy from her family, causing destitution? Would Joseph accuse her?

Then, Joseph believed her. She waited, and God provided. She was able to continue her pregnancy confident that she would not be stoned, and that Joseph would accept and believe her.

Of course, Mary being dedicated to the Temple by her parents at an early age would have meant that she, unlike most women of the day, would have learned to read the Torah. She was a devout girl, and so, when she consented to bear the Messiah, there was great joy! She had spent years reading the words of the prophets about the Messiah, and she knows that the hope of her people is curled up asleep in her womb. **Just pause and think about that one…woah**

It’s sort of fascinating to me to think that Mary’s Advent was filled with much more uncertainty than any of the Advent’s we will experience. As her due date drew closer, I can only imagine the questions that arose in her mind. How can I be the mother of God? Will I be able to teach Him anything, or give Him anything? How will we know when He is different? What will happen to Him? To me?

Yet ultimately, the joy in her heart at the arrival of a Messiah must have overridden her fears. Her waiting, with anxious heart, gave way to joyful anticipation because she knew that God would come through for her and her people. She was the living proof of that.

So what does this have to do with anything, other than being some good food for thought? Funny you should ask…

As I’ve blogged about here, I had a miscarriage in March. Atticus and I were not trying to get pregnant; actually, we were planning to wait “about a year” before we had children, because we wanted to have time to adjust to being married, we knew we’re be moving, Atticus wasn’t working, and I was still in school when we got married. BUT, God’s plan was different. And were were NFP novices. (Please note, I am saying that NFP works, we did not work). Of course, we lost that pregnancy, our son Michael.

It has been 9 months since then, and we have been trying again to conceive for about 3 months. What’s drawn my attention to God’s sense of propriety is that I experienced that miscarriage during Lent, and for the first time in my life, had an experience of suffering in which I felt, the entire time, that God was inviting me to join my suffering with His.

And now, several months later, we are trying to conceive again, without success thus far. It’s Advent, the time of joyful anticipation, and here I am, waiting. *shakes finger at God, saying, “You’re good, you know that?”*

Is it a co-incidence that I am literally waiting for some good news during the liturgical season of joyful anticipation? I think not. But am I thrilled? Not so much.

You see, I lost my very first pregnancy, and while the doctor told us that it was the kind of miscarriage that is most common (sometimes called blighted ovum), and that I would “most likely” go on to have healthy children, I have clamped down hard on that “most likely” and turned it into a “probably never”. I am very good at this.

Rather than feeling relatively certain that I’ll have one (or more) healthy pregnancies in the future (as Atticus has felt), I see each passing month without a pregnancy as a personal failure and further proof of the idea that I will never be a mother. I’m not trying to throw myself a pity party here; I realize I’m being absurd, but I’m an emotional person with a melancholic temperament. It’s a lethal combination when it comes to waiting or uncertainty.

Elizabeth at That Married Couple, has just written a wonderful post about cultivating the virtue of humility, including a litany of humility she has been praying. Well, if there’s a litany of patience, somebody send it to me, because I need it!

It pains me to admit it, but I’m fearful that God won’t come through for us. That God will deny us the child we long for. Or worse, that God can somehow see that I will not be a good mother, and is therefore not going to gift us with a child.

In all probability, Atticus and I will probably have at least one child. But, I am an impatient American, and I want what I want…and right now, please. This is bad. I know this attitude is bad, and will not make my dream come true any faster.

I wish I could be more like Mary, and continue to trust in God’s goodness, even in the midst of anxiety and doubt about how things will turn out.

I am going to wrap up this crazy ramble with a request for prayers, and also, any advice from anyone who has had to wait with uncertainty for something good that they wanted. What did you do to sustain your faith in God’s goodness, even if you did not get what you wanted then (or ever)?

Thanks for listening!

O Come, O Wisdom…

I’ve just recently found this version of O Come, O Come, Emmanuel by Enya. It’s so beautiful. Really, beautiful is just the word for it.

Gaudete, is the Latin word for rejoice! — which is why the 3rd Sunday of Advent (the rose candle) is called Gaudete Sunday, because gaudete is the first word of the Latin prayer for that day.

Happy Monday!

Saturday Evening Blog Post

I’m participating in Elizabeth Esther’s Saturday Evening Blog Post, where on the first Saturday of the month, we can all share our favorite blog post from the month before. Hmmm….November.

I think I’ll go with this one: To Veil or Not To Veil.
This post is about my discernment regarding wearing a head-covering during Mass.

Head over to Elizabeth Esther’s to participate in the Saturday Evening Blog Post, and introduce yourself to the group!

God Bless and have a great weekend.

7 Quick Takes Friday

** 1 **

Last night Atticus and I went to the movies. But not just any movie. We went to see Frank Capra’s “It’s a Wonderful Life” on the big-screen at the downtown Indy movie theater.

It was…wonderful. haha. But seriously, it’s one of my favorite Christmas movies, and seeing it up on the big screen like it would have been when it came out was so much fun.

It was a great date night!

** 2 **

As I mentioned about two weeks ago, I have finished my Masters’ thesis. I submitted it for comments, and it was returned to me for some small changes (which means she liked it!) and earlier this week, I submitted the final version! Hooray!

The other part of this story is that I am a purse person. I LOVE me a good handbag. I have wanted a Coach bag since the end of high school. I told myself I would get one when I finished college, then when the end of college came, I couldn’t bring myself to spend that much money on myself. So then when I went to grad school, I said I’d get one when I finished my masters’ thesis. I hemmed and hawed about actually buying one, but then my mother in law gave me a gift for finishing my degree, and I decided to use that to fulfill my handbag fantasy.

Here she is: Classic brooke

And one more, please ignore the paint-splattered t-shirt that belongs to Atticus.

I hope you don’t all think I’m some kind of snob or anything, I just sorta felt like I earned something nice and somewhat frivolous for completing 20 years of school!

** 3 **

This afternoon I am making cookies to put together into gift tins to mail to family and friends who are all over the country this Christmas. I’m making Mexican Chocolate Cookies, Oatmeal Raisin Spice Cookies, Sugar cut-out cookies, and Lemon-Ginger Pinwheels.

I’m super-excited for my cookie extravaganza! I hope I’ll be able to post some photos, and if anyone’s interested, I can post the recipes too. Yay for homemade gifts.

** 4 **

Tomorrow Atticus and I are meeting with the property manager of our home, to go and look at homes for sale in our neighborhood. We are thinking of buying the house we’re in, so before we can move forward with that, we need to look at other houses and make sure this one is exactly what we want.

I’m really excited to go house shopping!

** 5 **

I’ve been trying to do a daily Advent gratitude journal entry or in some way making a conscious list of the things I am grateful for.

It’s been really helpful for keeping me focused on the things I have and all the blessings I have to be grateful about, because I am inclined to be frustrated or worried because I am not pregnant yet. Taking time to count all of my blessings each day makes me realize that even though I do not yet have a child, which is what I want, I still have a lot!

** 6 **

Here is a photo of our mantle, where we have our creche, and some other decorations.

and, our nativity, which my paternal grandmother made for me as a child:

** 7 **

I know it’s terrible, but I love the Chipmunks Christmas Song:

Have a great weekend!

Be An Angel? Hardly.

**Climbs on soapbox**

We all know PeTA (people for the ethical treatment of animals) is to be charitable, constoversial, in their approach to spreading their message. In recent years their ads have attacked fat people, and children. If you don’t believe me, do a google image search for their ads, and take a gander at what pops up.

And now, just in time for Christmas, they’ve finally decided to take a stab at our Lord, Jesus Christ. For their new Christmas ad, they’ve gotten Playboy “model” Joanna Krupa to pose nude, which is nothing new, for either Krupa or PeTA, which has run many nude ads over the years. The focus of these ads is:

Be An Angel for Animals. Always Adopt. Never Buy.

Now, to be fair, that is a good message. Our dog comes from a shelter, and the shelters are so crowded and often the animals are really just surviving. It makes sense. BUT, the manner in which PeTA displays this message is undignified, immodest to the core, offensive to the season of Advent, and blasphemous.

The image of “model” Joanna Krupa, naked, with angel wings and a halo, wouldn’t be much different from what you see at Victoria’s Secret, except this “angel” is holding a strategically placed crucifix over her naked body. That’s right friends.

Warning: here is the image. Skip down if you don’t want to see it.

*shudders* To make matters worse, Ms. Krupa claims to be a practicing Catholic. Of course, we wouldn’t want just any naked Playboy “model” holding the Crucifix over her lady bits in a public ad; we need the “Catholic” one. There are standards of course.

Here is what Ms. Krupa had to say in response to the claims of the Catholic League:

“As a practicing Catholic, I am shocked that the Catholic League is speaking out against my PETA ads, which I am very proud of. I’m doing what the Catholic Church should be doing, working to stop senseless suffering of animals, the most defenseless of God’s creation. I am a voice for innocent animals who are being neglected and dumped by the millions at shelters. In my heart I know that Jesus would never condone the suffering that results when dogs and cats are allowed to breed.”
I will give her this; Jesus would never condone the suffering that results when dogs and cats are allowed to breed. True enough.

But you know what I’m fairly certain he’d never condone either? A woman who claims to be part of His Church, who should therefore know what the Crucifix means, abusing the symbol of Christ’s torture, humiliation, and death, to make a political point by draping it over her naked body, which she is then exposing for the world to see.

I’m pretty sure that she is, in fact, not doing anything remotely close to what the Church should be doing when it comes to the appropriate way to spread a message of compassion for animals. Nice try though, Ms. Krupa.

**Climbs off soapbox**

Thanks for listening to my rant.

Advent Tradition, Old and New

When I was growing up, my family did not have an Advent wreath, since my grandparents (who raised me) were barely practicing Protestants. I went to the Catholic church, so I saw the Advent wreath there, and learned what Advent was through religious education at my parish. But I don’t think I realized until college that individual families could have Advent wreaths in their homes. Oops.

My education in Advent traditions began then, and continues to grow with each passing year. I now relish the weekend after Thanksgiving, when I can take our wreath out of storage and set it up in a place of prominence in our dining room. I love lighting each candle as the weeks leading up to the birth of Christ get closer. I love singing O Come, O Come Emmanuel as we begin evening prayer together, in our domestic Church.

Here’s some Advent wreath history and ideas for traditions surrounding this beautiful and holy symbol.

The Catholic Home by Meredith Gould gives a helpful chart showing what the traditional items in an Advent wreath symbolize:

wreath: the eternal nature of God

holly: the crown of thorns

bay: victory over sin and death

violet: penance

rose: joy

The first candle symbolizes Isaiah and the prophets who foretold the coming of Christ. The second candle symbolizes the Bible. The third candle (the pink one!) symbolizes Mary, the mother of God. The fourth symbolizes John the Baptist, who called Jesus the light of the world. And placing a large white pillar candle at the center symbolizes Jesus, the light of the world.

I love it! All the symbolism brings out the English lit major in me (I lasted for two semesters).

Anyway, since there’s no official rite for Advent wreaths in the home, we’re free to be very creative in this Advent devotion. Here are some ideas:

As you light each Advent candle, read the Gospel passage for that day, or a Scripture passage from the time leading up to Jesus’ birth.

Combine Advent candle lighting with opening doors on your Advent calendar (Ours has chocolate — thanks grandma!).

Sing Advent hymns or carols while you light the candle. Or, if you’re not much of a singer, you can listen to recordings of them.

Pray the joyful mysteries of the Rosary accompanying the lighting of Advent wreath. These are great mysteries to meditate on during Advent.

I’d also recommend the book Mary and the Christian Life: Scriptural Reflections on the First Disciple by Amy Wellborn. I got this book last year during Advent, and although it’s small, it’s got some wonderful stuff for meditation on during both Advent and Lent.

 

This year, as part of Advent devotions, I am doing a daily gratitude journal. Mostly because, although I am very blessed, I have a tendency to dwell on that which I do not have. But also partially because I need to be constantly reminded that all of the blessings I do have are from God, and not mine because I have earned or deserve them. I think keeping a daily list of blessings can help remind me of the Source of all gifts.

“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above.”

I pray that this Advent I will be able to remember that message and pause to make room in my busy, distracted heart, for the Source of all good and perfect gifts, who longs to be born in me (and all of us) anew this Christmas.

What are your Advent traditions and devotions? I’d love to hear about them!

 

 

Finally!

I have been listening to Christmas music since Friday morning; I love it!

My new favorite album for this Advent is Sarah McLachlan’s Wintersong. She really has such a beautiful voice.

Happy Liturgical New Year, and First Sunday of Advent! Do you have your wreath out yet?

Happy (early) Thanksgiving

Hello Friends!

As we are having a guest arrive tonight (my grandparents next door neighbor who has been like a mom to me — she knew me before I was born! She met my mom for the first time when she was pregnant with me, how cool is that?) and she will be here for the holiday and until Saturday. I’m so excited to have her here and show her all around our new city!

Anyway, since I will be busy showing her the sights, then prepping a turkey, making a carrot cake, and of course THANKSGVING, I’ve decided now is a good time to take a short blogging break. I’ll be back some time this weekend.

I pray that you and all your families have a wonderful, blessed, safe, and delicious Thanksgiving!

This song is so cheesy it’s kinda hilarious.

Chapel Veil – Part 2 (of 2)

Just when you thought the chapel veil was tired and went to bed, I decided to wake her up. Just kidding, sort of. I wanted to give an update and also respond to some of the wonderful comments that people left about the first chapel veil post.

After praying more after that post was written, I have discerned that at least for now, God is calling me to wear the chapel veil. Sunday morning rolled around, and I stuffed my veil in my purse to put on upon entering Church. I felt a small pang of nervousness as we walked in, wondering things like: What will people think? Will they judge me for wearing the veil? Will they think I am judging them for not wearing a veil? Will it be awkward and uncomfortable?

As I put on my veil, after sliding into the pew, I noticed the woman sitting at the far end of the pew looking at me. I smiled. She smiled back. *whew* That was a good sign. And then…nothing happened. I happily prayed for a few moments before Mass began, then sat back and enjoyed attending the Holy Sacrifice. I didn’t feel uncomfortable, and no one stared at me as though I had a booger hanging from my nose. And the best part? When I approached for communion, and knelt at the communion rail, with full view of the altar where the host was consecrated, I felt right. I felt sure that I was doing what God asked me to do, just this once.

So that’s the non-story-story of week one of the chapel veil.

Now I’d like to clarify a bit about my reasoning for thinking the chapel veil is appropriate.

Rae, very aptly pointed out that a portion of the article on the veil I had linked to had some possibly questionable theology regarding why the veil is appropriate and should be encouraged.

He says in the article, “The authentic Catholic reason for wearing the chapel veil is the Biblical reason.” Well…maybe. I mean, certainly the Biblical reason (and here this means 1 Corinthians 11: 2-16 : “Any woman who prays…with her head unveiled dishonors her head…let her wear a veil…” is the basic gist of it) is not wrong, but it also is not the whole of Catholic thought about why this practice has merit.

Rae rightly pointed out in her comment that to simply say that this one passage of Scripture is the sole reason why a woman should wear a chapel veil is an oversimplification. I am inclined to agree that the authentic Catholic reason for veiling is much more rich than one passage of Scripture.

What I liked about this article, though, was what he said next: “The Catholic Church has decided to no longer enforce this Biblical custom through Canon Law, and in doing so, the Church is saying it does not want to be our nanny. The chapel veil is a custom for women to do voluntarily, because they want to, not because they are being forced to. The idea is that women are to read what the Scriptures have to say, and be convicted according to what is contained therein. In order for a chapel veil to be an authentic sign of humility and holiness, it must be voluntary. Indeed, Christian women are supposed to wear one, but it is never to be forced.”

I liked his point that this is something that should not be forced; rather, the reasoning for why it is something good should be presented, but ultimately women should act in conjunction with their consciences, and take up the chapel veil because they believe that God wills it of them.

That said, I’d like to just mention a few of the points I found in doing further reading about veiling, that I think speak on a deeper level to Catholic reasons for wearing a veil.

- Until 1983, the injunction that a woman’s head must be covered in Church was present in the Code of Canon Law. The injunction was not reversed in the 1983 edition; it was simply excluded. It would seem that it is no longer required, but is certainly still more than acceptable to practice.

- St. John Chrysostom presents a theology of the veil that I think is beautiful. Woman, because she was created by being drawn from man’s side, is constantly trying to return to him. She desires the original unity of one flesh and one bone. The desire for unity between man and woman is a mirror of the relationship between Christ and the soul.

As woman longs for union with man in human relationships, she is also drawn to unity with God. He calls her to become one with Him: to come under His side and become flesh of His flesh and bone of His bone. This occurs during reception of Eucharist.

The covering of the head with a veil symbolizes the reality of woman sheltered in the side of her Source and becoming one with Him. She becomes covered and hidden in her Divine Spouse.

- And, as Betty Beguiles mentions beautifully here, the wearing of the veil is a symbol of the woman’s physical role as tabernacle. Woman was created with the privilege of being a vessel of life — literally capable of bearing life within her. In this way, she is a kind of living tabernacle. The Holy Tabernacle is sacred because it contains Life Itself, and likewise woman is sacred because she protects life within her.

When a woman wears a veil, she is physically covering her head as an act of symbolizing her sacredness as a temple of life. The Tabernacle, which contains Jesus, and the Holy of Holies, which contains the very essence of God, is veiled at all times. When a woman wears the veil, she is reminding herself and others of her God-given role as tabernacle which protects new life.

While I don’t disagree with Paul, and with the Biblical reasoning for veiling, I guess the specifically Catholic theology of the veil has been the most compelling for me personally.

Thanks for all of the thoughtful comments on this topic!